Table of Contents
- Part 1 - this post
- Why Getting Feedback Right Matters More Than You Think
- Part 2
hat Good Feedback Looks Like
Effective feedback should be:
Is this what usually happens in the average work place?
No. Not even close.
More often, feedback is:
Cost of Delayed Feedback
In a company I am familiar with management decided to offer permanent positions to two probationary programmers even though they were unhappy with their performance. They did so because they thought that they did not have time to find and train new programmers. There was an important release coming up. There is always an important release coming up. Do I need to tell you that it did not turn out well?
- Frequent and Timely
- Balanced—containing both affirming and adjusting feedback
- Specific—focused on behaviours that should be continued or changed
No. Not even close.
More often, feedback is:
- Delayed until the annual performance review—or not given at all
- All praise or all criticism, rarely a useful mix
- Vague and indirect
- Delivered in frustration or anger, which obscures the message
- Lacking any actionable advice on what to change or how to improve
Emotion First, Content Later
Anger especially gets in the way of effective feedback. My father used to say, "Never show anger unless you're no longer angry." And he was right. It's hard to both strike a serious tone and project the appropriate emotional weight unless you are in complete control.
People respond to the emotion in your message first. Only after they’ve processed that emotional tone can they absorb the content. So, if the emotion is hostility or disdain, defences are engaged, blame is shifted, responses are formulated, people go into "what am I going to say next" mode instead of "what did the other person just say" mode.
Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen (authors of Thanks for the Feedback) offer a clear four-part structure:
- 1. Micro-Yes:
- Start with a simple, respectful prompt that invites attention:
"Do you have a few minutes to talk about the presentation?" - 2. Data Points:
- Share specific, observable behaviours—what you saw or heard, not vague impressions.
Kim Scott, in Radical Candor, emphasises this too: avoid generalities and speak plainly. She calls it the “Directly Challenge” axis. - 3. Impact:
- Describe how the behaviour affected others or the outcome:
"When you cut off the client mid-sentence, it made them visibly frustrated and less engaged in the rest of the call." - 4. Question:
- End with an open question to encourage dialogue:
"How do you think we could approach that differently next time?"
When feedback isn't given, poor behaviour or subpar performance continues unchecked.
In a company I am familiar with management decided to offer permanent positions to two probationary programmers even though they were unhappy with their performance. They did so because they thought that they did not have time to find and train new programmers. There was an important release coming up. There is always an important release coming up. Do I need to tell you that it did not turn out well?
Problems do not fix themselves. They compound.
Added more on over-utilisation and overall communication in the middle section. There was so much new material that I split it off to a new post. Then added another.
Also I have written more on an example of how not to respond to feedback.
Related Posts
- The Most Team Damaging Response Feedback I Have Ever Observed
- Have the Courage to Speak
- Sympathy Considered- Harmful
- Giving Feedback (Part 2) - Feedback on People Skills
- Giving Feedback (Part 3) - Taking Your Time
Other Resources
Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen
Flips the script: it focuses on how to receive feedback, even when it’s poorly delivered, unfair, or unwanted. Essential reading for both givers and receivers.
Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Malone Scott
Challenge directly while caring personally. For those who want to foster open, honest, and respectful feedback cultures.
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