hen asking for feedback, make sure the person giving it feels heard. Show that you're making a genuine effort to address their concerns. If you can’t, then explain why honestly, humbly, and with regret.
Some people might dismiss this as being too “touchy-feely.” Don’t. If you get this wrong, things can go badly. Very badly.
One example of a feedback session gone horribly wrong still stands out in my memory.
At a previous company I worked for, we had an open-plan office with cubicles. My team and Team Marmalade shared the same space. Team Marmalade was a constant source of vicarious learning—I learned more from them than from any other team. (They may have appeared once or twice in other blog posts.)
Most managers when talking to their team about important and Most managers, when discussing important or sensitive topics with their teams, book a boardroom. These rooms are quiet, private, and free of interruptions. For reasons only he knew, Team Marmalade’s manager decided to hold an important meeting right in the middle of the cubicles. I heard everything. The entire office heard everything. And unfortunately, so did his team. Normally, it’s a good thing when a team hears their manager. But by the end of this particular meeting, the manager likely wished everyone could just forget it ever happened.
He began by saying the team’s process wasn’t working and they were falling short of their goals. He acknowledged that something had to change and asked the team for ideas on how to improve. So the team responded. They told him exactly what was wrong, how things could be fixed, and how they could dramatically boost productivity. They spoke at length and in great detail. But as each team member shared their thoughts, the manager became visibly more uncomfortable. Eventually, he interrupted:
“I can’t tell upper management any of this,” he said. “We’re just going to have to stick with what we were doing.”
Morale plummeted. Productivity plummeted.
A few weeks later, morale began to recover—thanks to the team leader, and not the manager. But some of the team leader’s methods for boosting morale were a bit questionable. He might have gotten away with it if productivity had improved significantly. Unfortunately, while things did get better, they never returned to even the low levels from before the “feedback incident.” And those low levels were exactly why the manager wanted change in the first place.
I felt conflicted. On one hand, I was impressed by how the team leader managed to lift spirits. On the other, it felt like Team Marmalade had given up on their project. They seemed less committed. Beneath the surface, there was a strong undercurrent of anger, frustration, and resentment. Nothing had been forgiven—or forgotten.
Then one day, while the manager was offsite and the team leader got especially creative with his morale-boosting activities, upper management stepped in. They loudly and publicly scolded Team Marmalade for being unprofessional.
Had all the managers forgotten we had meeting rooms?
Morale plummeted again. Productivity plummeted again.
And this time, it took a long time for Team Marmalade to recover.
This isn’t the only time I’ve seen a request for feedback go wrong—but it was definitely the worst.
If you don’t treat feedback with respect, those giving it can become cynical, resentful, and disengaged. By the time you’re ready to take action, your team or community may no longer care to listen.
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