Table of Contents
eople Matter: Why Feedback on Behaviour Can’t Be Optional
Feedback typically falls into three categories:
Task – Are results being delivered?
Process – Is the work safe, smooth, and repeatable?
People – Are relationships functional and respectful?
When You Must Speak Up
Some behaviours require immediate feedback—no hesitation, no delay:
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If a colleague speaks disrespectfully about a teammate, customer, or stakeholder, step in. Tolerating this corrodes culture fast.
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If someone shows intolerance toward difference—cultural, neurological, or otherwise—you must act. Silence looks like endorsement.
Communication Is Everyone’s Job
A common failure is “throwing work over the wall” without confirming the next person has what they need. Teams must understand: doing your narrow job description isn’t enough. If the team fails, everyone fails—even if you ticked all the boxes in your individual KPIs.
Who Pays the Price of Communication?
It’s worth asking: Is the cost of communication fairly shared?
The classic example is scheduling meetings across time zones. But the imbalance is often more subtle:
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Who adjusts their schedule?
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Who always takes the notes, sends the reminders, nudges the follow-ups?
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Who responds to late-night messages?
These hidden costs accumulate—and they’re rarely distributed equally.
Sometimes, the team as a whole needs feedback. And sometimes, that feedback includes you.
The line “There’s no ‘I’ in team” is overused—but it’s often the first thing forgotten when pressure hits.
Self-Interest Hurts the Team
Some team members will prioritise their own convenience over the team’s success. It happens. And it must be addressed when it does.
A Cautionary Tale
I once had a senior developer who instructed a junior dev to do low-value busywork—not because it was necessary, but to avoid merge conflicts that would arise if the junior completed their assigned tasks. The senior developer thought it was better to do both roles alone.
I had to give them some pointed feedback: leadership demands a different mindset. Being a great individual contributor is not enough. You must care about the team’s success as much as your own.
I told them, “Please, don’t make me say this... but there really is no ‘I’ in team.”
I hate relying on aphorisms—they often signal lazy thinking. But sometimes, they say exactly what needs to be said.
Prioritise the Listener
As a general rule, I tend to side with the listener in a communication breakdown. When offering feedback, consider what the listener needs to hear—not just what you need to say. What format suits them best? What questions do they have? Did they actually understand you?
These aren't just tips for giving better feedback—they're also important topics to give feedback about when communication is breaking down.
Feedback Should Be a Conversation, Not a Lecture
Feedback shouldn’t be a one-way broadcast. It’s a dialogue—one that requires curiosity and empathy.
Demanding an explanation is not the same as being curious. Your tone, posture, and expression matter just as much as your words. You need to look like you’re listening—and mean it.
Kim Scott in Radical Candor, calls this the “Give a Damn” axis. If you haven’t done the work to build a relationship, your feedback is less likely to land.Some people will respond to feedback immediately. Others need time to reflect. If they seem unreceptive, invite them to think about it and revisit the conversation later. Many people resist feedback at first, then quietly change their behaviour. Take the win.
You also need feedback yourself—from peers, reports, and managers. Working without feedback is like driving with your eyes shut.
Kim Scott encourages not just giving and seeking feedback, but building a culture where it’s continuous and mutual—where feedback continually flows in all directions, across roles and ranks.
Is It Safe to Speak Up?
Psychological safety underpins all effective communication. When people feel threatened, they shut down—entering fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode.
The military has a term for what happens when people are too scared to speak up: SNAFU (Situation Normal, All Fouled Up).
One of the most frequent pieces of feedback I give is: “Ask for help earlier.” But if your environment doesn’t feel safe, that advice is impossible to follow.
People become over-invested in solving problems alone, believing the next Google search or attempt will get them over the line. Admitting they’re stuck feels like admitting failure. Their identity may be tied to being the person who always figures it out.
Often, the solution is a five-minute conversation or a second set of eyes. But that requires vulnerability, which requires safety.
Sometimes people are even set up to fail—because the system, including its unspoken rules, makes success impossible.
“Every system is perfectly designed to get the result that it does.” ― W. Edwards Deming
Make it easier to speak truth to power.
That’s how teams are freed from blockers that prevent forward progress.
Summary: Key Points:
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Some feedback can’t wait. Disrespect and intolerance must be addressed immediately.
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Team success matters more than individual KPIs. People must be held accountable for how their work affects others.
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Communication costs must be shared fairly. Note-taking, after-hours responses, and reminders shouldn’t always fall to the same people.
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Leadership is about raising others. Hoarding work or undermining colleagues is a failure of leadership.
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Feedback is two-way. Deliver it with care, and be open to receiving it from all directions.
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Psychological safety is essential. Without it, feedback and collaboration break down.
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Truth must flow up the chain. Great cultures encourage challenge, honesty, and vulnerability.
Bottom Line
Address people issues early.
Make feedback specific, respectful, and two-way.
Foster safety and mutual accountability.
Because if you don’t?
Dysfunction spreads—and everyone pays the price.
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